THE UNEXAMINED LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING.

THIS PHRASE comes into my head constantly, whenever I begin to think about my life and feel thoughts spiraling off down tangents I don't particularly want to follow. I balk at those crossroads, start to head the other way, and once again I hear it: The unexamined life is not worth living.

MORE AND MORE I come to doubt the wisdom of this saying. I think of the quagmires of indecision I find myself sinking/thinking into, and what it has cost me, and I wonder if self-reflection is over-rated. Isn't it possible to just shut your brain up and live? I haven't found that to be the case, and it's infuriating. I can't help but question any feeling or intention that smacks of sincerity and generosity; where do such things come from? Are they not motivated by some ultimately selfish impulse?

I THINK OF the great kindness-givers of our time, and wonder to what extent they lived their days mired in uncertainty within while giving generously without. What if their existence was one largely free of such self-doubt? Does Mother Theresa lie awake at night wondering if she's just a power-hungry egocentric? I realize it is in the nature of faith to doubt and to test; but where do you draw the line? The recorded thoughts of many great leaders admit to a great amount of inner turmoil; yet are there those whose thoughts are not recorded because they do not experience this self-doubt to any remarkable extent?

CONFLICT BUILDS CHARACTER is another phrase I could do without. If the majority of such conflict is internal, is it character-building or just mental masturbation?

THERE'S SOMEONE I BELIEVE I COULD LOVE if only my brain would shut up long enough to let me do it. Instead, I constantly pull back from the precipice. What if I'm wrong? What if the source of my belief in this possibility is not genuine, but is motivated by some factor besides sincere emotion? In times past with her I have felt what seemed to be a true and blissful love; was that what I felt, or was it just some chemical process of different origin that tingled my synapses in such a way as to produce this illusion? Does anyone know?

KILL ME NOW is usually the thought that follows this line of reasoning.

TO LIVE AN EXAMINED LIFE seems to be a sure route to mental distress and unhappiness. Reason tells me that it is a matter of degree; at some point there is no further good to be found in additional self-examination and you should be free to proceed unencumbered by analysis. But where is that demarcation point, and why can't I seem to find it?

A FRIEND once told me that I think too much. Another said I was the first person he'd met who he thought was truly driven by demons. I have to think these appraisals are linked in some way, which suggests that the biggest demon of all is the one inside my head who will not let me know peace.

IS THIS WHY PEOPLE TAKE PROZAC?